Besides “Looks”: What Else a Photo Tells You

By Shidduch Photographer

When it comes to shidduchim, a big controversy seems to be whether needing to see a photo of someone before you meet them, means that you are shallow. Breindel and I are here to tell you that not only is seeing a picture not shallow, it’s necessary. Here are 10 reasons why a photo is important no matter how much you trust your shadchan:

1.    CHOICE OF PHOTO: Everybody occasionally takes a picture in which they don’t look good in some way. However, people who are “right in their mind”, recognize that they’re not supposed to POST those pictures. That’s the difference!

2.  CLASHING VALUES: If someone posts a photo that you find obviously objectionable, then perhaps that’s a sign that you’re not compatible. Examples: A man holding a dead reindeer, or bucket of fish might not be the best match for a vegetarian. Or, if a woman is smoking a cigarette, or drinking alcohol in a photo, this may not be the best match for a man who abstains

3.  HYGIENE: Does their hair look clean or greasy? Brushed or with knots? Are the buttons of their shirt lined up? Do their clothes have wrinkles? Or does the person look clean and neatly put together?

4.   TASTE:  Are they a “designer label” person, or more casual? You could find yourself attracted to someone’s face, but not to their choice of chunky jewelry or pinky rings. Their style may be loud or reserved, and it may or may not be important to you.

5.     EMOTIONAL STABILITY: If you are getting the impression from someone’s eyes and facial expression that they are emanating rage or are devoid of emotion whatsoever, or if something else about them makes you feel unsafe, don’t second guess yourself.

6.     HIDING: Is he wearing sunglasses so that you don’t know what he actually looks like? Does her photo show face and neck only, so that you can’t tell what body type she has? Is the photo airbrushed so that she looks 20 years younger than she really is? Is he wearing a hat so that you can’t tell if he has hair? This issue of hiding things in the photo, extends to Honesty and Trust. How can you build a relationship if they are trying to deceive you from the get-go

7.     COMMON INTERESTS: Something in the photo might show an interest that you admire or have in common with the person: pets, a musical instrument, tennis racket, car, boat, bicycle, an award etc

8.     ENERGY: Is his or her facial expression and body language showing you someone who is peaceful, enthusiast, shy, outgoing, sweet, high energy, sarcastic, confident, silly?

9.     HEALTH: Does his face look gaunt? Does she look exhausted with bags under her eyes? Or is she radiant?  Does he look fit?

10.  EFFORT: Is his photo a cell phone “selfie” taken on the first attempt with no expression? A snapshot they took of themselves in a spotty mirror? A photo with an “ex” cut out but leaving their arm in there? Did she not bother to take one for their profile at all and is using a photo from eight years ago? Or did she take the time to dress and groom, and have someone take a bunch of photos and pick the best ones? How many photos are up there? One isn’t enough — at least three or four photos demonstrate that the person has made an effort to show what they really look like.

Bonus Round! And now we come to:

LOOKS. Wanting to see a potential partner’s looks isn’t shallow either! A common commentary, quoted from the Talmud, states,  “One should not marry someone whom he considers unattractive.”

Sometimes you see a person and you are instantly attracted –or not sure– and want to see where it could go. And sometimes you see a person and you just know, “This would never work.” The goal in shidduchim is to find your bashert, to spend the rest of your life with. Therefore, you want to quickly weed out the people that won’t match you, so that you can put your time and money toward meeting with people who are more likely to be your bashert. Starting off with a photo, will do just that.

*****

Blog by Breindel and Eric.  They are the founders of ShidduchPhotographer.com, a photography service that specializes in improving your shidduch photos, using Staged to Look Natural™ Photography. Both of them work together during photo sessions to make sure you feel your best, so that you look your best.

Breindel and Eric are happy to give you advice about your Saw You At Sinai profile photos. Please email any photos you would like us to look at to breindel@shidduchphotographer.com

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